Nick's DM adventures

ok then

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 13:36:29 GMT

game on the weekend was pretty cool,

full party was there, minus Em due to her not playing anymore,

continued on with the barrow of the forgotten king, almost through it now,

fighting a pretty damn varied range of enemies, including one (as the book described him) "beautiful" fey, that we ended up fighting.

some varags, spiders, spider mummy thing and for a finale before the end of us playing was a giant spider.

jamie has levelled, as far as i know, i think philly did too, Ham switched from his sorcerer to a cleric and thusly had to start again at level 1,

i got the best dagger in the world, being the DM its great that i get to make stuff up, so when my item got identified my character was amazed to find out that he had picked up the "dagger of the irish" which is a normal dagger, but if it criticals something it turns it into a potato proportionate to the original size of the creature, i think im gonna be the first person in the universe to have a potato the size of a dragon.

Jamie also took it upon himself to make sure that everyone knew he was using his bodily functions to their full extent while in game, and lets face it, my character just laughed at him. Although him trying to swing across a cavern with a grappling hook on the end of a rope was mighty funny too.

velkyn and jess' characters seem to have gotten closer, while that happens the likelihood of party member on party member violence as jamie's paladin grows more distasteful of jess' rogue every game, and lets face it, my monk HAS to back the paladin up, theyv'e been hanging out, and in D&D world, thats what counts :P

thats right, its not your gold, its not your fortress, its not your freakin' armour, we are the all singing all dancing kobold crap of the world, and we are very, very pissed off...yeah i think thats permissble (i love fight club, and i just performed sacralidge by turning one of its most famous quotes into a D&D joke)

at the moment im kinda drained, so thats all for the game report right now, gonna put some quotes under a cut,

"alright, I'm totally gonna roll a dice now, lets see what happens." - Jamie during combat

"spurt attack!" - Ham, for some reason unknown to me

"OBLONG! no one uses that word enough! they say rectangle!" *shakes her fist* - Philly, in a moment of rage!

"high five for bodily functions!" - philly
"thats the WORST high five EVER" - ham

"High five for high fives!" - jess
*lots of high fives occur*
"i can high five myself!" - velkyn
"thats called clapping" - jess

"i have a lisp, a special lisp, a dragon runs at you from the darkness! and says "hah!" - Me, its always good to torment the player characters.

"its raw, and far too fondled" - jess, checking to see if the pasta had cooked in the food break

"fuck beans! theres a big fucking spider in here!" - Me, i had to dramatise the situation, no one else seemed to realise how damn big the spider was til i screamed that.

"thats a fucker...can i roll again?" - Jamie, in his combat turn, and the answer is no, no you can't re-roll that again :P

"slaps and vodka, all part of a perfect evening" - Ham, discussing the nights shenanigans

"D&D is all energy drinks and glucose tablets" - Jess, staying awake, staying awake. (laaame beegees joke..or was that the beach boys...ah i forget...*sings stayin' alive as its in his head now)

"so how did this band start? *gives jess a knowing look*" - Me, talking about our actual band, trust me, we sound awesome.
"a stomach ulcer, D&D, free bread, vodka and an electric guitar" - Jess

"Nick stop dancing! Jamie stop harmonising! for gods sake pull yourselves together and be men!" Jess, at a particularly stressful moment in her life.

"ok...so its less of a maze and more a series of really annoying tunnels" - Me, complaining about my lack of space on the gaming table

"I knew! and so did you!" - me
"and im still up for it!" - jess, discussing having groupies, having philly as a groupie more specifically.

"she's vomiting into herself" - jess
"its called swallowing" - philly, i have no idea where this came from

"crying kittens are cute" - Philly, so says the druid folks!

"I do a spot check, i roll a 10" - ham, the spot check mad man.
"you find a 10 floating in the air" - jess
"i put it in my inventory...can i do that?" - ham

"oh man, i can't even stick my tongue out without fucking up somehow!" - me, i have no idea why i said this, but im sure it was a moment full of sorrow and doubt.

"flip...flip...freak out!" jess, for some reason

"i had breasts when i was in grade 5" - velkyn
"in grade 5 i got football boots and a barbie" - jess

"Philly, your way creepier than I'll ever be, I'm glad your my first husband" - Jess, and p.s, Philly is a girl, i know what your thinking, "a girl husband?" well shut up ok! equal rights and all that shanizzle! a woman can call herself whatever she wants!...even if it means she turns into a man for the split second it takes to say the word.

"we have to protect the lady! she hasn't got much health!" - ham
"i say stuff her in an esky and put her to the side of the combat" - Jess

"I'm dribbling, I'm burping, I'm a man tonight!" - me, not sure when, i think it was after vodka arrived

"bards are great for singing songs like "sneak, sneak sneeeeak!" - Philly expressing her love for bards singing as you try to sneak

*jamie falls over and then gets back up as fast as he can*
"smooth" - ham
"like lightning" - Jamie

"the woman you just rescued regains consciousness" - Me
"i say 'the dread pirate robbins has come for your soooul!" - Jess

"Philly rolled a critical for caring about the lady!" - Velkyn
"critical care!" - Me
"I'm dying of compassion!" - Philly

"the quiver of elhonna, its like a case for projectile stuff" - Me,
"...like vomit, from the exorcist" - Jess

"come and help me! i need to bury this!" - Philly

"who needs scimtars when you have arms!" - Ham, while weilding his psycho weapon wizards arm with wolves teeth shoved into it.

"i have the feat cleave! i have cleavage!" - Velkyn, realising she has cleavage, i figured she already knew

"he jumps into the water and heals himself" - Me
"i piss in the water" - jamie

"I'm the DM, and im totally fine with the girls taking their clothes off, in fact! thats the only way to beat the next monster!" - Me, need i explain?

"my rogue asks the druid for a mushroom" - Jess
"yeah, i take one too!" - Me
"yeah me too!" - Ham
"great, im the only character not stoned" - velkyn

"which disease do you give jess?" - Me
"Handsome-ism" - Jamie

"i don't care if theres a dragon I'm fucking handsome!...not to say that I'm having sex with handsome..." - Jamie

"holy fudge monkey! where did they come from?!" - Ham, i think he was about to be eaten

"i sling the monk who's screaming "look out for the milk" over my shoulder" - Jess
"yeah, i got critically stoned" - Me,
"my druid looks in her bag and wonders if her mushrooms are a bit old" - Philly.

"you have to pimp yourself out for alcohol for the good of the band! wev'e all done-uh..." - name omitted here, for fear of the wrath of the one who said it :P

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 01:24:56 GMT

Due to restraints placed on their lives by something called "being social" jamie and Em weren't here, meaning the remaining party on saturday night got more experience out of the things we killed then i expected.

since on sunday ham and philly went to a prior engagement the experience for the remaining three players who wanted to keep going was further multiplied to an astronomical amount (wow...astronomical...thats a big word...).

as per such these are how the character levels stand;

read as : Name (character name) - race - class - level of experience

Nick (the awesome DM) - human - Monk - 4th level (and i must say, flurry kicks ass)

Velkyn (argnor) - half-orc - barbarian - 4th level (started the day at level 1)

Jess (rick) - human - rogue - 4th level (3 rogue, 1 sorcerer)

Ham (bryan) - half-elf - sorcerer - 2nd level (i think he's second level anyhow, the lazy git hasn't put what level he is on his character sheet! :P)

Philly (thola) - elf - druid - 2nd level (poor philly, she just isn't a night person, and D&D seems to always last until at least midnight...and to think we played during the afternoon the day she left...poor philly)

Emily (jaspercaspawapsa) - gnome - bard - 2nd level (poor em isn't a night person either, at all, and also wasn't here)

Jamie (jamie) - human - paladin - 2nd level (however is a night person, just wasn't here...and i can't remember why...)

so thats how the characters stand, see my last post for all the hilarity that came out of our last game, and I'll just be over here, scheming evil schemes for the next game

LVL 1 BARBARIAN DOES 30 DAMAGE!

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:07:58 GMT

so, this weekend went well,

Jamie and Em weren't going to be here so i brought the "barrow of the forgotten king" adventure for us, really handy especially since its for level 2 characters.

All in all its a good campaign, certainly saved me a lot of time (as the DM), and lets face it, I'll now certainly recommend it to anyone thats asks me about D&D in the future.

started very typically, in a bar, asked to help a town defend itself from an evil thing in their graveyard, you know the drill.

got interesting when we went through the gates of the graveyard, mystery galore and action abound, the druid trying to talk to evil wolves, the barbarian trying to smash everything in front of her, a sorcerer running around shaking a severed wizards arm at everything he could, a rogue trying to sneak attack anything that moved, and a monk tottering around drunk.

there was a long food break in the middle but after a while philly and ham headed off to bed, effectivley pausing the game for the night.

the next day philly and ham left too early for us to have gotten any more in before they left, so Jess, Velkyn and myself continued on without them, and lets face it, an adventure designed for seven lvl 2 players being played by 3 players means experience point bonanza and by the time anyone reads this post we will probably all be lvl 4!

anyhow, this is probably the best time to bring it up, being a DM and having a player character in the mix, is god damn hard, trying to do ANYTHING without letting my god like knowledge of whats happening influence me is reeeeally hard, so my character is probably being seen as a silent but violent drunk.

at the same time out of game there seemed to be periods where the word "sexual" became a lethal weapon, the subject of conversation was moose, and jess started drinking vodka. it was a varied night and certainly wasn't in any way predictable, which is just the way i like it.

anyhow, heres the awards for the game;

Most incontinent player - Velkyn (her need to pee was rather scary, there was a very big kafuffle made about it)

Dexterina - Philly (for having crazy go nuts amounts of dexterity)

foot in mouth times a million, just stop talking - Jess (both awards given to her as she would not only speak without thinking, but any attempt to correct what she was saying simply degenerated more, usually leading to her saying something R rated)

Laziest character in the world - Ham (for rolling the lowest initiative rolls in the universe, more than likely cause he's lazy, or his character is...nah, i'll just say its him)

so there we have it, and since everyone else recorded quotes down on paper theres a whole frikkin lot, going to put them under tabs and in a few different;

here we gooooooo!

General in game quote-age

Ham - "don't follow me" (no idea where this came from)

Jess - "i'm totally fondling my spiked chain" (as she always does)

Philly - "i hug my wolf and start weeping"
Ham - "i hug my wounds and start weeping"
jess - "i pull out my pom poms"
(after the longest combat encounter ever)

Ham - "can i attach these wolves teeth to my severed wizards arm? and make it hit like a spiked club?"
Nick - "yes, yes you can"

Jess - "mind the flaming zombie and heres a cow that can shit on command"

Ham - "me and jess are going unconscious, anyone else wanna come?"

Velkyn - "I'm still raging! I've got raging undulations!"

Ham - "this zombie is good at being alive"

Velkyn - "considering philly is unconscious and she's the only one who can heal..."
Jess - "can we declare a state of irony?"

Jess - "i holla out to the bitches in my crew "yo homies lets check out the east side of the chamber!""
Nick - "i slap you, out of principle"
jess - "i take it"

philly - "bastards! they knokced me out!" (said while unconscious)

Velkyn - "i loot the bodies"
Jess - "their skeletons..."
Velkyn - "i look for pockets!"

Ham - "nick, why am i a sorcerer with 15 strength?"
Nick - "because your fucking crazy, you son of a bitch"

Philly - "flat pack T-rex's in a mausoleum"
Jess - "like ikea furniture"

Ham - "thats what nick said, and nick is god"
Nick - "damn straight"

Nick - "oh yes! a critical fuck up!" (rolling for a monster attack)

Nick - "its ok, even though i can't find the god damned monster in the god damned book god dammit!"

Nick - "after watching you all try to bash the door down the monk steps forward and says "for fucks sake try the handle!"

Velkyn - "BLARGAHGETITFWAH"

jess - "high five for critical intimidation!"

Nick - "where are my salted nuts? where the fuck is my pencil?!"

Jess to amie - "you rolled a critical for being disgusting"

out of game quotes

Jess - "don't make me wrinkle my forrid"

Jess - "pimp yourself out for alcohol for the good of the band"

Jess - "i'm so wholesome its rediculous"

jess - "everyone leave me alone, im having a moment with myself"

Amie/Philly - "seeeeeeeeccccxxxssssuall"

jess - "even the word sex looks rude! the X is like a person with their legs and arms splayed out!"
Nick - "and the E is some odd kinky sexual position, and the S! its being bendy! oh my god!"

Nick - "you make me so angry!...and ugly!"

Nick - "this rocks socks dosen't it, fucken' 'A"

Nick - "i could try to save the world from giant maggots or i could play D&D...D&D seems like the better and safer option"

Ham - "I'm all like 'please' and your all like 'smack'"

Jess - "I'm an emo bitch?! Gerrard Way fronts my chemical romance and I'm the emo bitch?!"

Jess - "vodka is so great, we should bottle it and sell it...wait..."

Nick - "hey! 'god of dice' abbreviated is G.O.D!"

Nick - "ive got the man pendulum parts"

Jess - "i only drink vodka, its the safest thing"
Nick - "the safest thing? russians made it! how is it safe?!"

Velkyn - "D&D, two men, and three women"
Philly - "think of the possibilities"

Nick - "truth? the truth should never get in the way of a good story!"

Philly/jess - "its cold on candy mountain"

Velkyn - "i need to pee"
Nick - "just go then"
Philly - "im with her on the couch! its foam! its a giant sponge! no!"
Velkyn - "I'm done"
Philly - "AAARGH!"

Ham - "why do you ignore the sponge?"

Nick - "fuck knuckles!"
Ham - "i say fudge monkey"

Jess - "the 80's, i was high on mullets and leapord print bathers"

Jess - "my rogues past profession was memo sticker breeder"

Jess - "so are you guys coming to the knee harlot convention?"

Jess - "run for the hills! your children will soon be on fire!"

Jess - "press jess breast, its the best" (on a memo sticker attached to her bodice)

Jess - "i sink your battleship, in more ways than 10"

Jess - "im totally up for wanton destruction"

(god damn jess got quoted a lot!)

some R rated ones here, names have been omitted as one of the "quote-ees" wished to remain nameless for fear of being called a "hussie" :P

"everyone likes diplomacy on my chest"

"i have to show you something but you'll have to come into the next room, i need to drop my pants"

"the skeleton has gone down"
"and thats just how i like them"

"the back of swinging manhood crashes through walls"

"we should have loud sex and get back at them"

A - "I'm glad jamie's not here...its good to have a rest, i get so tired"
--everyone laughs at ****--
B - "that was painful"
A - "not as painful as it was for me!...no wait! i didn't mean that! no!"

"ill get my mother to cook it. No, i wo't get her to, not with her sex hands."

"my breasts have names, bob and frida, bobs gay and frida is homicidal"

2nd game

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 11:29:04 GMT

so, second game happened, t'was interesting,

started off with the party being approached by an NPC they didn't like at all, and being offered a pretty vast amount of money for doing something that was pretty simple...or not...:P

made the players think anyhow which is always handy.

all ended as i had suspected really, my planning is going pretty well, and im hoping it continues doing so.

time for some quotage;

"coming out of the closet...heh heh" - philly when deciding if she was going to sit in a closet or not,

"blows your mind!" - jess talking about something being great,

"why would you do that?!" - philly about her mind being blown,

"braingasm" - Jamie, obviously agreeing that some mind blowing was in order.

"i pinch his inner thigh" - jess after knocking a douchebag of an NPC out.

"i give it a mushroom" - philly, when faced with a huge carniverous plant she tried to reason with.

"they just want to be free!" - Jamie, talking about jess' breasts.

"can i stomp on his head?" - Velkyn, when she made a half orc character she got rather into breaking things/people/monsters in half.

awardage;

cowgirl - Velkyn (for taming a cow and riding it around as her half orc, also taught it to create violently flung crap on command)

you sir! are a cad! - Jamie (for slapping a guy unconscious with his armoured glove after giving him a stern talking to)

Best Improvised weapon - Ham (taking a wizards arm to beat people with and finding out it can cast acid arrow 3 times a day makes him a pretty damn handy spell caster :P)

be my friend? - Philly (for her lovely ways of bargaining with giant carniverous plant monsters)

grand theft anything - Jess (if it isn't nailed down, she'll probably try and steal it...when the party isn't looking :P)

Fist of untamed fury! - Em (for finding out her gauntlet can scream at her, and trying to punch stuff with it)

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 11:39:58 GMT

so, had a quick game tonight where we didn't take the experience or items out of it onto our characters,

some interesting quotes were made;

"gimmie a naked zombie" - Jess when talking about the zombies

"i wanna marry a female dwarf" - jess right after the naked zombie comment

"disguise yourself as a rock and i'll hide behind you" -
jess when facing off against a chain demon in the ninth level of hell that had nothing around to hide behind

"don't let me spank you" - velkyn ...at some point

and there we have it.

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:19:33 GMT

planning for the next part of the campaign is going well,

should be interesting to see how the players take it,

I'm trying to stray away from the typical D&D type stuff you hear people speaking about,

you know what I'm talking about; "your in an inn, theres halflings gambling at one table, a drunk dwarf talking about fighting things, and a man in a cloak comes up to speak to you"

thing thats kinda hindering me is that iv'e only had one game and im not even sure of my own strength as the DM yet, well, more than that i'm not completley sure of what players this lvl can take.

i do believe i heard jess talk about mind flayers?...yeah...that musta been it...maybe i should put one or two in...lol

first game quotes and awards

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 10:37:34 GMT

"i don't have to check for traps, just open the door" -- Jess,

"whats goin' down in your hood?" -- Em when asking jess about her character in game,

"i stink the stink of a holy man" -- me when talking about my character's odour

"and i respect that" -- jamie's comment about my stink.

awards

oblivious - Em (for her gnome bard and his ability to fall asleep anywhere :P)

drug dealer - Philly (lets face it, a druid handing out mushrooms HAS to be a little concerning)

meat shield, most outnumbered, what diseases? - Jamie (first one to jump at zombies, and first one to be overwhelmed by their numbers, managed to avoid STDs while having sex with three horribly genitally diseased farm girls)

what traps? - Jess (i thought rogues were supposed to check for traps!)

invincible, what just hit me? - Ham (he saved me and jamie from certain zombie death! and didn't even fall unconscious at any point ever! and it has also been brough to my attention that he got hit by traps alot, thusly, he didn't see them coming :P)

MAKES NO SENSE! - Velkyn (a gnome bard taking EVERYTHING out with a gnome great sword...hmm...)

thats it for this game, as i ran through everything about the game i can remember that was important...kinda...ish...on the post in my usual journal, so until next week!

*disappears in a mist to the secret GM OF JUSTICE! cave*

1st Entry

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 09:04:38 GMT

so, this is going to be a journal...nay! a chronical of D&D adventuring,

I'm Gm-ing and all up theres 7 of us hopefully meeting to play a game once a week or so.

currently its including;

Me (NICK THE GM!)
Amie (velkyn)
Em
Jess' (Em's sister)
Ham
Philly
Jamie (male...human...PALADIN)

awards will be given out in a post probably the day after we have finished playing, so i can rest my weary little DM head and calculate everything i want to say in an orderly fashion :P.